DH had his varicocelectomy on Tuesday June 19th. I've told him since they scheduled it that I would probably find out I was pregnant the day after his surgery, making the surgery pointless. Well, low and behold 4 days later I saw 2 beautiful (but very faint) pink lines on a test...or 10 of them. I was so worried Because the line was so light. but I figured it would get darker. Well Monday it didn't get darker, it actually went away. After getting 9 positives on 2 different brands of tests it was now negative. I knew in my heart what that meant... I was having a chemical pregnancy. I called my doctor with the concerns and they were going to do hCG draws Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to see if it was doubling like it should. While at the lab I used the bathroom an noticed I had started bleeding. Fears confirmed. I had lost another baby. I called the doctors office again tuesday to see where my levels were and see what they Said about the bleeding. My level were already down to 3.3. Already negative and no need to repeat on Wednesday. She said they don't even count that as a miscarriage since it is so common and my "period" was only two days late. Had I not tested the day my period was due, I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant. I don't care what they say, I WAS pregnant. And now I'm not. I now have another due date to deal with-March 4, 2013.
While this loss is no where near as hard emotionally, it still hurts. I don't even know where to turn at this point. No one even knew I was pregnant so I don't have anyone I can talk to. The sadness is just continuing to build. :-(
But I did see a RE before I found out and IF I am not pregnant (but I so hope I am) by September, DH will do another semen analysis. And then the next cycle around then I will start clomid cd 3-7, have an ultrasound cd 13, if my follicles look good, I will trigger ovulation with ovidrel. We will either do IUI (artificial insemination) or know that I will ovulate in the next 36 hour and know when to get busy on our own.
All I know is if I see one more pregnancy announcement/baby belly/ gender reveal/ or anything pregnancy related, I might SNAP! I want that for me and my family. Is that too much to ask?!? I just want a baby :-(
I am so sorry hun! I am still waiting to talk to my doctor...but I know they will try and tell me it was only a chemical and I wasn't really pregnant...I HATE that! We were pregnant and we both each lost ANOTHER baby! I don't care that i only knew for 9 days...I thought this one was it for both of us! My heart hurts for both of us. I am sending you prayers hun! I know I can't handle being on fb right now and I am sorry I can't support you there...but I just can't handle seeing all the people who are happily pregnant especially if they are due when I should be it just hurts to much and I took this loss really hard!
ReplyDeleteThanks Beth! I completely understand not being on facebook right now. Everytime I see another pregnancy announcement, my heart breaks. I really thought this was it for both of us too! I never imagined a week after I found out, you and I would both be where we are now. My heart hurts for you as well and I know we all miss you, and will be waiting for you to come back when you're ready. We are all praying for you and hope you are doing well. I don't care what doctors say, we know what happened and how much it hurts. I hope to hear from you soon but understanding needing some time away from everything! ((Big hugs))
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