2011- Where to begin?

2011 started off with a bang. I was so consumed with planning my wedding, working full time, and being a full time student that it went by way too fast. Plus, my daughter turned 2 and potty traning was in full swing. I couldn't even begin to describe what I did the first half of the year. It's all just a blur now.

May 28, 2011- My wedding day! It was the second greatest day of my life (next to the birth of my daughter) All my hard work and planning made it worth it in the end. It was beautiful and despite some VERY last minute issues with the reception hall, it went perfectly. And our family trip to Disney World concluded one of the best weeks of my life.

My new husband and I had decided we wanted to try right away for another baby. Which we did not plan on it taking too long since it took one month of not preventing to concieve our daughter. 3 months later, in early September, I felt like something wasn't right. I felt just like I did when I was pregnant with my daughter, so I tested thee next morning and sure enough it was positive! Words could not describe how excited we were. I was due May 16th and arranged my class schedule to fit this so I could have some time of with the baby without worrying about school.

We had told all of our close family and they were just as excited as we were. But then October 23 everything began to change. I was almost 11 weeks and I noticed some spotting and freaked out. I called the dr the next morning (and by this point, the spotting was a lot worse) The nurse did not seem concerned. I went in the following day for blood work, which should a quant level of 10,000 ("normal" for 2-3 months pregnant) but there was still this horrible bleeding, which was continually getting worse. I went back tot he drs on Friday for anoth blood work (which I would not get the results of until Monday) and I had also started cramping. Since the nurse still did not seem to care, I left and went right to the emergency room. Something was wrong, I could tell. They did blood work and gave me an ultrasound. The diagnosis: I was miscarrying. My HCG was now at 4,400. I broke down. October 28, 2011 was easily the worst day of my life.

The weeks that followed were horrific. I was bleeding so heavily (but I was glad I did not need a D&C) and I felt so alone. I no longer was pregnant, I felt empty. Everyone around me seemed to be pregnant and I should have been experiencing that joy with them. I had weekly blood draws (a total of 9 blood draws in 6 weeks) and slowly my hcg returned to 0. Which was the last day I had any connection to this pregnancy. There was now nothing to show for it.

Now that 2011 is over, I can say it was the best and worst of my life. I did not have my normal holiday spirit this year and just went through the motions. Slowly, I am beginning to get back to normal. Some days are easier than others and there are a few reminders of my pregnancy that still set me off. But thast pretty much sums up the year that was 2011. I am really hoping 2012 is better than the way my year ended. And only one thing can make it that way: I NEED MY RAINBOW!