Thursday, August 23, 2012

D&C tomorrow....nervous and emotional

Well since my ultrasound on Tuesday confirmed there was no growth of the baby and with my declining hCG levels, my doctor determined this is not a viable pregnancy. The gestational sac on Tuesday measured 7 weeks (perfect) but the baby was still measuring 5w5d, the same as last week. My options were to wait it out and see if my body would miscarry on its own or have a d&c. Since my first miscarriage was the worst experience of my life, I opted for the d&c. His first opening was Friday, so here we are getting ready for that. He also said he would to testing on the tissue to see about chromosome defects and in 6-8 weeks he will be testing me for clotting disorders since I now have recurrent pregnancy loss.

Even thinking about my d&c makes me emotional. My last one in April was for a good reason- remove a polyp which may have been preventing me from getting pregnant- and now I have to have one to end a pregnancy :( I do not know what to expect, my last one was so easy, but there was not the emotional side to it.

I am back at the starting gate, beginning my TTC journey again since this pregnancy is now official over. I never ought I would be THAT person, that person who has 3 losses, or that continues to have heartbreak month after month. I just want some answers, but I have a feeling at some point I am going to just end up with more questions than answers that can be provided. I just want a healthy pregnancy and to hold my baby in my arms :-(

No comments:

Post a Comment